I Just Wanna Get Along at Blue Cow Cafe, Plaza Damas

When I was thinking for an opening hook for this post, I thought only and only of this one song.

"We were rich once
Before your head exploded"


The Roast Pork served with a huge dollop of coleslaw and mash on that Saturday morning was handsome and induced happiness.

"Imagine doing what just the Big Bang did"

The Applesauce that came served in a separate jar was tart and tight, elevating the Roast Pork to new possibilities.

"The whole world knew it was loaded

Wave bye bye cause it ain't ever coming down now"

The Grilled Pork Loin, a little less profuse in flavour and tenderness, simmered and sulked, demanding for more attention and praise. The tougher material was challenging to work with but we gave it all we had and placated the raging victim within. Just for a short while though.

"I just wanna get along" Jeng-Jeng!

I returned to the crisp comfort of the Roast Pork and surrendered with a sigh.

"I look up

The heads fly over

I see a boy I know

His hair's on fire"

The pilgrimage of pork that sussed out this and that happened at:

Blue Cow Cafe

N-1-4, Plaza Damas

60, Jalan Sri Hartamas

Tel: 03-62013206

"The whole world I discovered

If you're so special why aren't you dead"

The tune's "I Just Wanna Get Along" by the Breeders. Listen here. Pretty awesome eh?

Speed and Happiness at MOS Burger

While Japan is home to one of the world's most prized native cuisines, I have no shame, not a shred siree, in admitting the pure unadulterated joy I get from the sheer abundance of fast food ideas borrowed from the big bad West, moulded and significantly amplified.

"The Taste of Happiness, Everyday, MOS Burger" says the sign. Damn right. Once upon a time, Malaysians enjoyed local presence of MOS Burger. As we did racial harmony and meritocracy. Alas, our happiness was short-lived for they pulled out, leaving us only with inferior interpretations of fast food for an industrialised nation. Come back, you hear, come back!!

We arrived at Tennoji station in Osaka one morning, famished for something traditionally Japanese like soba or onigiri, but we hit the MOS Burger outlet that greeted us right after we got off the subway. I went for the Kakiage Rice Burger and it hit the spot. There is something so right about that rice in the morning, lightly browned and crisp, sandwiching a juicy, flavourful vegetarian patty.

My lovely sister Kah Bee discovered Green Tea Latte for the very first time this particular morning (she resides in NZ and abhors Starbucks). She's not looked back since, and unfortunately, resigning to the annual visit to Starbucks in Auckland to get her fix.

She enjoyed her Shrimp Cutlet Burger, but look, who wouldn't?? Tell me you don't want to take a chunky bite out of this beauty first thing on a winter morning?

We went back to MOS a couple more times over the course of our trip in Japan. During the retail slumber period of the New Year, I dug into the Kinpira (Burdock Root & Carrot braised in soy) Rice Burger for a late breakfast. Wrapped in fresh nori, this instilled HOPE in 2010.

Of course, it's not all dietary fibre that makes fast food legit in Japan. They also make first-class comfort feed like fried chicken, in the form of the MOS Fried Chicken Cutlet. Feeling a little low about starting another year of failings and wailings? This will have you covered.

I am not sure what it takes for the franchisee to wake up and smell the damn green tea latte, but Malaysia needs its MOS! Over and out!

Mall-functioned, Zouk Cafe & Bar, Gardens

Organised retail is a tough call. On one hand, our heinous traffic/public transport conundrum presents a commercial case for the ongoing erection of these mercenary all-in-one monoliths.

But sticking in air-conditioning and opening the shutters are hardly sufficient to convert window shoppers to serious ones, given the stiff competition and growing disdain for these hastily built but ultimately malfunctioning edifices.

Zouk Cafe & Bar at the Gardens in Mid Valley is an example of an outlet with failed potential given the captive traffic who work in the vicinity and starved for choice to wind down on a Friday evening.

Lasagne a.k.a. hunka microwaved rubbery beauty topped with melted plastic resembling play-doh cheese. Tasted no better, I was informed.

Fettucine Carbonara got an indifferent "Creamy" from meal owner, but only because she was well famished by the time the pretty gleaming plate was set in front of her and had no inclination for verbal expression.

An underwhelming Steak Sandwich done rare, which somehow translated to an alarming grey mass of mystery meat.

The Cheeseburger, a far cry from the Ramly outside a 7-Eleven I had later that same evening.

The Seafood Alio Oglio, which was served with thoroughly dessicated scallops. Not the way the mighty Creator intended for this mollusc to contribute to the food chain.

The Doughnut Dippers were hilariously stale and colourless. No one was in a hurry to try this.

Happy Hour beverage prices currently apply only for Carlsberg and house pours.

A disappointment, as with most mall outlets, saved only by the dependable camaderie of battle-scarred colleagues. Next time, we'll know better to get into our vehicles, fight the traffic out a little further for a better class of merrymaking.

Pan Mee Underdogs around PJ Old Town

Sometimes the body just needs to slow the eff down. And no, sometimes it's really not an option regardless of what work deadlines are looming or I'm inclined to have one more night out. When I blithely refuse to take heed after a few weeks in a row, the body will retaliate, I've learned. But enough about that, I've had enough loopy and lonely monologues justifying my feeble, febrile condition while detained up in recovery.

Rewind to weekend pre-Illness: habitual breakfast hunt after noxious, hard drinking nights. This particular weekend saw a couple of tasty, under-the-radar, relatively unknown but solid Pan Mee finds.

First up - Medan Selera at end of Jalan Penchala, near PJ Old Town. I went for the Spicy Soup Pan Mee (only hand torn ones for me!). The soup arrived sour, not quite the jolt of a good tomyam but nevertheless an invigorating wake up call. It was the first of this variant of Pan Mee I'd seen, and not a bad one at that.

My companion had engineered the visit here for the Fried Lou Shu Fun, a gleaming plate of lard and Aunty wok power. Very inspiring stuff. Aunty also offers the same treatment to koay teow and noodles.

Upon seeing the fun I was having with my meal, my companion, a non-Pan Mee believer, ordered the regular Dry Pan Mee. I found it well above average (and I've tasted a LOT of average Pan Mee), a perfectly balanced rendition of soy, crunchy anchovies, wood's ear fungus and minced meat. The hand torn noodles were also a nice, buoyant bite - not too thick that it feels like biting into a shapeless mass of starch.

The accompanying bowl of anchovy-based soup featured my favouritest colour. Tasty too! Subsequently, I found out that there's a popular Pan Mee stall not too far away from this food court, off Jalan Penchala. Next time in the area then!

The next morning, we found ourselves back again in PJ Old Town again, at Soon Lee Coffee Shop.

I was spoilt for choice but got drawn to this stall. Maybe it's the monkey wearing the chef's hat or maybe it's the prospect of tons of fiery red chilli but I found myself with yet another bowl of pan mee.

Now I join the legions of Chilli Pan Mee devotees who have been disappointed and disheartened by the likes of Kin Kin and Super Kitchen. Perhaps, I'd retuned my expectations so to not suffer the same blow but Keong Kei's Dry Chilli Pan Mee was more noteworthy than its distinguished peers'.

O' lustrous yolk, extra serving of radiant rogue, a vigorous toss and I am yours!

Soon Lee also houses a koay teow soup stall which appeared to be doing very brisk business the morning we were there. The Char Koay Teow stall in the evening (different from the one in the morning) is apparently also pretty decent.

An Almost Ex-Convict and a Cop at Penang's First Nasi Kandar, Jelutong

Dogged by alcoholic wakefulness over the recent break in Penang, I would invoke the most random food cravings at odd hours of the night. However, eating out at my usual favourite kopitiams in the thick of Chinese New Year celebrations is strictly off-limits, given the certainty of decline in standards and jaw-dropping price hikes.

One such morning, after a fitful night's sleep haunted by unprecedented hunger, I was fortunate to have the company of an acquaintance, who suggested early breakfast, at the first and oldest nasi kandar stall in Penang, no less. He had read about this here, amidst the abundance of content online celebrating the ever more popular Line Clear Nasi Kandar in town.

This Nasi Kandar stall is without a name, though it sits squarely next to Kedai Kopi Tai Min, in a dilapidated annex, along Jalan Jelutong, right opposite the Jelutong police station. Now, my friend had some choice stories to share about the men in blue who worked opposite, for he happened to have been arrested and thrown into lock-up there many years ago (for an allegation that was laughably trivial, mind you).

The Nasi Kandar here attracts folks from all walks of life, of varying colour, creed and disposition. While we took our place in the snaking queue in front of the stall, we spied pakciks and makciks at leisure, exercise bunnies in jogging shoes and workers clocking holiday overtime. My almost ex-convict friend even spied a cop from across the street, whom he recognised as part of his arrest those many years ago. On account of the less-than-pleasant one-time encounter, my friend decided to not say Hi, understandably.

The choices offered here are fairly limited, as nasi kandar of yesteryears were no doubt a much simpler affair compared to the Kayus and Pelitas of today. Choose from chicken, beef, squid, fish, fish eggs, lady fingers to top the signature drenched rice. What immediately stood out was how light and mild the gravy was, nothing like the laborious, plodding nasi kandar that we knew. Kinda like how a country's judicial system is when bogged down by modern-day gluttony and garbage.

Slightly traumatised by the reminder of his harrowing rendezvous with the Malaysian arms of law, my friend went on a protein binge, with fish AND fish eggs, hard boiled egg and ladyfingers.

The kopitiam itself was as colourful and intriguing a scene to consume as the Nasi Kandar, which has aged well. The horror stories of those imprisoned by corruption and abuse, however, is a different pot of rice altogether.

Permission to Fusion, Erawan Classic Thai & Fusion, Kota Damansara

The word "Fusion" used in food is a source of great personal agitation. Kinda like badly cut pants that chafe at the thighs. Or the Malaysian persistent fondness for replacing the article "the" with "D'" and springing a whole host of D'ed abominations, like D' Pub, D' Shop, D' Bakery, D'Place where you don't want to be if you had a shred of sense in you. Or the inclination to bad spelling, like replacing the letter "S" with "Z." Appropriating the language of another is a necessity for our young lingual heritage but come on, this level of abuse is practically Defilement - another D word of epic popularity among the jesters we call politicians.

I had read about Erawan from the pretty smashing, multi-authored food blog on the Malaysian Insider and its post here got me all hot and bothered, despite the threat of Fusion starting to sound like an excuse for aspiring gourmands to splice and dice cuisine artlessly, badly. Getting to Kota Damansara was however, another challenge for what is that geographical horror if not another cultural nightmare? I shall however, save that rant for another day, for there we were, regardless, ready to pounce and devour.

Seeing that there were all but two of us, Anan, the charming manager deftly explained that the portions were a little on the large side and recommended we went for the single-serve rice dishes or the tomyam noodles, which were also more economical options. The idea of a basil stir fry with rice and a fried egg just didn't cut it with us so we went with ala carte.

The Erawan Pomelo Salad arrived swiftly, well before we had taken in the cosy, warm interior of the restaurant. It came with a separate serving of sweet Mieng-Kam like sauce, to which we were told to mix in on our individual platters to our own taste.

I loved the handsome shelled prawns and the succulent chunks of pomelo dressed with toasted coconut and crushed peanut. Not crazy about fried shallots in general, but it somehow worked to this salad's advantage here. Gorgeous!

We had to contend with a lengthy wait for the mains to arrive, and understood later that Erawan's main chef Korn attends to each and every dish, hence the delay. I need to add here that a meal at Erawan isn't meant to be an in-and-out sort of dining experience; it absolutely needs to be savoured, sipped and praised.

When it finally did arrive, the Tomyam Seafood unseated us from our quiet lull. We were provided a choice of Clear or Thick soup, and spice levels of one (mild) to five (very spicy). Our pick of Thick, level Three set our bellies and worlds on fire. This was very hot and very good.

I had my heart set on the duck curry, but it was unavailable that day. The manager recommended the Green Curry Fish Paste in place. The fish paste, made on the premises with fresh ikan tenggiri (mackerel) are shaped like balls, with a salted egg yolk ensconced within. This was an interesting twist to an otherwise spectacular ode to a classic. Suppose that warrants a nod to "Fusion"?

Fragrant jasmine rice presented in dainty little bowls. Toto, we're not in Tai Pai Tong anymore!

To wash it all down, Lemongrass juice with ginger, dwarfed next to the Iced Lychee Tea.

The meal came up to RM93.50, very gratifying and well worth the journey into the frenzy that is Kota Damansara. For this and this alone, I could sideline my loathing of the rampant use of "Fusion" and just bask in the perfect marriage of spice and everything nice.

Erawan Classic Thai & Fusion
22-1 Jalan PJU 5/16 Dataran Sunway
Kota Damansara
47810 Petaling Jaya
Malaysia
Tel: 03-6141 2393

Reservations are highly recommended.

The Fat of the Land, Nambawan, off Old Klang Road

Our glorious land is stuffed to the brim with promise and we know, KNOW this. But buried by political opportunism and citizen inertia, we forget too easily and vicariously extol the virtues of giving up and taking off to faraway lands, padded by the belief that the grass (and meat) will always be greener, fatter on the other side.

I had read enthralled about the highly inconspicious Nambawan off Old Klang Road from Masak-masak's post recently. A hidden pork haven in an area virtually unheard of at jaw-dropping prices, no more than a 15-minute drive from my humble neighbourhood... hello, did Xmas 2010 arrive 11 months early?!

The place was pretty empty when we arrived in the thick of lunch hour but we were undeterred, as we usually were about places that had gotten Boo's stamp of approval!

My dining companion Caterpillar, a burger fiend dove straight for the homemade Pork Burger (RM6.90). The serving was a little on the small side, given that he was ravenous. The sight of the untoasted, banal store-bought burger bun didn't help.

However, one bite into the virgin pink patty erased all doubts. It oozed juice, brass and lustrous flesh, everything we could want to realise the elusive potential of this place we call home, on a remarkably hot Saturday afternoon.

From that delectable snack, there was no way to go for me but one of the weekend specials, Roasted Pork Belly (RM12.90). Slabs of exquisite fatty (like FAT, FAT, FATty) pork layered on roasted potatoes, doused in brown sauce and topped with crunchy pork skin arrived, causing some internal mayhem. At that price, this is a new level of bliss. I didn't think much of the applesauce though, which was a shade of puke-green and tasted underwhelmingly colourless. A bit like the promises that we are spoon-fed, and let down by time and time again.

We decided to race for the third main, seeing that the portions were bordering on the side of small and to mix it up, ordered the Stone Charbroiled Pork fillet. The leaner slabs of meat and chewiness were expected but we were still pleasantly surprised by how delicious the dish was.

Caterpillar bowled me over when he declared that he was still hungry and ordered the Homemade Beefburger. I didn't get a picture of it for I was distracted by the host of supermarkets on the street but was informed later by meal owner that the pork burger tasted better.

Clearly, there's wealth in our backyard but we need proper guidance, courage and effort. The location, while a little off the beaten track, was not that hard to get to. Masak-masak's Flickr album has very clear directions.